Choosing the place, finding a date, chasing the replies: making plans can become a job nobody agreed to share. You may enjoy seeing your friends and still wish an invitation would arrive without you starting it.
Before deciding what the imbalance means, look beyond who sends the invitation. Does your friend listen, follow through, and make you feel welcome? Mutual care need not mean identical tasks. Still, an arrangement that leaves you exhausted deserves a conversation.
Ask for something they can actually do
Choose a calm moment and name the work you want help with: “I’d like to see you, but could you find a place this time? I’m tired of making all the decisions.” That is clearer than asking them to care more.
Give them room to explain what is difficult. Energy, money, caring responsibilities, or organising can all be constraints. You could suggest two options and ask them to choose, or agree who handles the booking. The solution should reduce your work too.
Make room in your own week
If you both like a regular meeting, agreeing a recurring time can remove some of the decisions. If not, talk about how often each of you wants to meet; you may be working from different expectations.
If you have discussed it and remain worn down, offer only the effort you can comfortably sustain. Explain what you are changing instead of disappearing to see whether they pass a secret test. Keep making plans you enjoy, including with other friends.
Think about how you feel when you spend time together and whether the effort still feels worthwhile. You can adjust how often you make plans as that changes.
